Went out with A today, and as usual, there were a lot of things that we have talked about. Remember how I used to fret whenever new semester starts? Well, somehow, after talking to A, I just can’t wait to get it started. To watch some new drama in my course, to hear some new gossips, to witness some new speculations in the org committee. Somehow, I just can’t wait.
All this while I’ve been pushed aside, manipulated, screwed up, bitched about and plenty more (aren’t u guys tired of making me the headline every single time??) and somehow or rather, I’ve let that happened again and again and again. I’ve let people cut me halfway during my speech, I’ve been too soft spoken and too self-conscious about what people might think of my English/Grammar that I was so afraid to voice out my opinion (attributed to those who always think they are the smart-ass in any org.) I’ve never confronted anyone who says anything bad about me, didn’t even bother proving to them that I’m way better than what they think of me and always snap on the spot. Hence, I was always known as someone emotional, uncontrollable, unmanageable, and not trustworthy. I’m more than that, I know it, but I’ve never bother to prove it because of those people perceptions towards me. It bothers me, and I always tell them it didn’t because in a way, I let my anger out on my beloved bf. He’s the place I throw tantrum at, the one I always depend upon (I used to be soo independent) and even forced to accompany me all the time because I was soo afraid of being alone. Despite all the pressure I’ve given him, he’s always right by my side. I appreciate that.
A said, we must start our day with a smile. Gosh, she knows me too well. She probably know I’ve always frown when I enters the class, always unhappy when I go to meetings, never satisfied over what I’ve got or received, always fret over small things, and always depressed over silly things. She said, a smile can brighten anyone’s life, including mine, she said it doesn’t have to be one u fake or put on every single second, I can just smile when I bumped to someone, smile when I enters classes or meetings, smile even when I have some issue going on. Just smile, and think of ways to get through the problem. She told me a good leader is someone who is strict, not painfully straightforward. She knows I can be blunt at times, like when I see a fat girl I could just point at her and say out loud she’s fat and that clothe don’t suit her. A told me if I wanna do that, talk with the other half of me (there are always two half of u, one who is always negative and one who is always positive, and always make them ur bff when you’re far from a real one) but be strict when it comes to important things, strict, serious, straightforward but always smile. Sarcasm kills ur enemies, ur smile is like a weapon that could tear them apart. To make someone listen and respect u, u must respect them, make them fear u and love u at the same time. That’s how the work will be done quickly. If u feel they still cannot be depend upon, do what u think is necessary, and remember to take credit from it, don’t let people use ur energy and shove u aside, u deserve whatever goodness/ benefit a certain project offers, share them with ur subordinates, thank them for their hardwork, whatever problem that happened during the duration of the program, confront it there n then, don’t badmouth or talk about it again when all is settled. Remember to always thank ur org committee (really, u can’t do everything urself, they must’ve done something as well) and whatever dissatisfaction or after effect, talk to them personally, trust me on this one, it really helps and work!
No matter how busy I am, my studies are my priority, I must always attend classes no matter how late I get. Don’t worry bout not getting any group or partner to work with. Relax, go and meet your lecturer, tell him or her u dun have a group or pair, even if u have to do it individually, just DO IT!! Because at the end of the day, it’s still individual markings. It’s your effort, your mark. No matter how busy, how tired, find the time to make sure my studies are on track. A leader is someone who can show to the world that he is not just into managerial or administrable works, but he is also no idiot to be messed with. Knowledge is the best quality in life. A man is not a man unless he has knowledge in him (applies to women as well ).
I have a problem where I like to speak my mind when it’s not necessary and the words that come out are harsh and hurts the ears. A said being outspoken is not by being blunt x tentu pasal. No cursing. Like i said, she knows me too well. A’s advice? Talk to ur other half (urself). Try to relax when u explain things, but be very clear and make sure people gets u. If u can’t find words to describe sumting, use pauses or expressions instead. Not only will people be laughing because u look funny, but u’l make urself understood as well. If u think that people are annoyed by ur medium of speaking in meetings which is English, try using BM instead. Not only will u sound polite, ull make urself clear. Remember how I used to speak really fast during my school years? Apply that now as well. I’ll make myself clear, straightforward, fast and understood.
A’s such a great leader that I wish I’m her subordinate because there’s no one else in this world that could really understand how she works and enjoy following that flow. But since I’m far from her and I’ll be dealing with people who has the same characters but different faces and sounds, I’ll have to be more confident with myself, make myself proud, make people respect me and make myself clear and understood.
I can’t wait to get the new semester going. My classes, debate club, students’ council. I’ll prove to them I’m more than what they think of me off. I’ll smile away their negative perceptions toward me and I’ll just do my job, my studies perfectly, using my flow, my management.
I am pretty, so what?
I am powerful, so what?
I can move around by myself, so what?
I have a sweet bf, so what?
Being respected is not by talking or using harsh words in dealing with problems, being respected is about how mature ur thinking and how u use it to the most ultimate in solving problems. Also, being respected is by showing to people, no matter how bad the storm, i’ll smile it away.